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Names fascinate me, because I am a student of history. For those who
study them, names reveal some remarkable facts of history. Though we rarely
know the date or place of birth of our great-grandparents, some of us
recall their names, which at any rate, reveal more about history than
dates and names of places.
I have become a student of Jewish names (not entirely by choice, but then
that’s another story for another time). In a way, it’s like studying a
language, since there are some regularities and rules about certain, but
not all, Jewish names. Few non-Jews ever learn those rules, and thus,
non-Jews cannot communicate in that language. Some of the many Jews who
immigrated to the United States from Poland had surnames of the common
Polish type that ends in –ski. In America, most Jews with such surnames
changed the ending to –sky. (The word “kike,” which I have encountered
only as used by Jews, though Jews complain that non-Jews use it often
as a pejorative, is derived from the –sky ending of such surnames). The
–sky spelling is a subtle signal of Jewishness easily recognized by other
Jews. Kowalsky means a Jew, the original form Kowalski a Pole. There are
some exceptions to the rule, as with the Polish-born Jewish-American writer
Jerzy Kosinski (actually a pseudonym adopted during the War), author of
the hateful fable The Painted Bird, a vicious slander on the Slav peoples.
Yet not everyone in America with a surname ending in –sky is Jewish, as
Russians, Czechs, and some other Slavs typically spell their surnames
of that type with the –sky ending. But generally, you’ll find a Jew hiding
behind a Polish surname in –sky.
As with so many other things in this life, with their names the Jews want
to have their cake and eat it too. Ideally, they would bear names that
instantly indicate Jewishness to other Jews, but that never would be detected
as Jewish by non-Jews. But that hasn’t happened yet. And today it’s even
more difficult for Jews to use their name code, as more and more political
leaders, corporation heads, and educators have their Jewish names displayed
prominently. After awhile, people begin to assume that if a person is
a university professor or the head of a bank or a non-profit organization,
for example, he’s got to be a Jew, regardless of the name.
There are some myths about Jewish names, for example, the association
of Jews, jewels, Jewry, and jewelry. That seems to be one of those rare
coincidences of language. I have not researched Jewish surnames such as
Diamond or Ruby (as in Jack Ruby and Neil Diamond), or the countless variants
that begin with Gold- and Silver-. Among many Europeans, surnames are
a relatively recent phenomenon, and in some isolated places were adopted
only in the eighteenth and nineteenth centuries. I recall reading something
about restrictions on Jewish surnames on the territory of the Germans,
though I’ve forgotten the details. I suppose that all the Jewish surnames
associated with precious metals and gems can be traced to Germany and
to those restrictions. To me such names seem terribly cold and peculiar.
I wouldn’t want to be known as Howard Gold or Aaron Platinum, unless maybe
I worked in Hollywood or had a jewelry shop, two fates I hope this life
will spare me.
Jewish names are fascinating, because many of them function as a code.
Not Greenberg, Rubin, Katz, or Cohen, of course, unless such common and
clearly identifiable Jewish surnames are camouflaged beneath a wild spelling.
But for Jews who play the ethnocultural charade, surnames are a tool of
that game. Jewishness is an ethnocultural concept that changes its form
and meaning in every situation, as the Jew sees fit to use his Jewishness
to his advantage. If a Jewish politician wants to bring several hundred
thousand Russian Jews to the United States, for example, he makes Jewishness
a religious identity. Those Jews then become alleged victims of religious
discrimination (despite the fact that nearly all of them are atheists
and none practice the Jewish religion). In urban neighborhoods in the
northeast, where Jews congregate and come into conflict with neighboring
ethnic groups, Jewishness becomes ethnic, and Jews identify with one another
on the basis of ethnicity. Many non-religious Jews in America willingly
do not identify themselves to non-Jews, and some imagine that their Jewishness
is invisible (though more and more of us goyish types through bitter experience
learn to sniff it out). If all the Jews are hiding, it creates some difficulty
then to maintain that network of Jewishness which is so important for
them. (The charade can be rather stressful, I have read, as with one of
a pair of Jews sitting through an awkward, silent encounter thinking,
“I know he thinks I’m a Jew,” while the second stares at the first and
thinks to himself, “I know he is thinking I know he is a Jew”, whereupon
the first decides “I know he is thinking I am thinking he knows I’m a
Jew”, etc. etc.). That’s when names come in handy.# I make no claim to
be able to identify all the surnames of Jews. Many Jewish surnames in
America are etymologically Germanic, and some are shared with ethnic Germans.
In recent times, Jews adopted Slavic surnames, and quite a few Jews in
America have names that originated among ethnic Slavs. Other Jews in America
have changed their surname. And who would blame a Finklestein for becoming
Monroe? An example is the American lawyer-turned sports broadcaster, once
the most unpopular man on television, Howard Cosell, who stereotypically
was Jewish in every way except for his made-up surname. So, often it’s
a matter of pure chance in trying to determine Jewishness on the basis
of a name.
Some critics of the Jews compile long and detailed lists of notorious
Jews and celebrities who are supposed to be Jews. (I might add that I
do not belong among the critics of the Jews, because I am only their observer.
For religious reasons, I always am waiting for the Jews to show me something
positive in their behavior. If that happens someday, I will rejoice and
embrace them). I notice that typically there are mistakes on those “authoritative”
lists of infamous Jews, for example, a female with a stereotypically Jewish
surname listed as a Jew, though she happens only to be the non-Jewish
widow of a dead Jew. Jews delight in such sophomoric analyses of their
culture, because it seems to confirm their innate conviction that their
enemies really are quite stupid, and it allows them to reject all the
stereotypes about them. The lesson for critics of the Jews is this: don’t
open your mouth about a Jew and never speak with emotion on the topic
until you have triple-checked (3x) your facts and sources. Allies of the
Jews are the dimwitted stormtrooper types who circulate nonsense that
plays right into the hands of the people they hate so passionately. Oy
vey, I should have such enemies!
Given names used to be called Christian names, until we learned how much
that designation pains the Jews. Given or Christian, those names tell
us something. The ideal name for a nice Jewish boy used to be Howard or
Marvin. That was among non-religious Jews, of course. For the non-religious
parents of a Howard or Marvin, the name made just the perfect statement,
indicating some acceptance of assimilation and a rejection of Judaism,
but without getting too goyish about the whole matter. When I am introduced
to a Howard or Marvin, I raise an eyebrow and start to scan his facial
features. Same thing for Joels, Jons, and Sarahs.
Jews are proud of their given names and pleased that other ethnocultural
groups bear them, just one more proof they are the light of the nations.
Imagine how many uncircumcised Davids and Michaels are running around
the planet today. But it would be a shameful thing even for assimilation-minded
Jewish parents to stick their child with a name too goyish. Thus, the
following are avoided by all self-respecting and responsible Jewish parents:
the names of Catholic saints, whether Dominic, Patrick, or Aloysius; “homemade”
names and those with no demonstrable etymology that delight American WASPs
and blacks, such as Thornton, Lakeesha, and Parker; and names shared with
country-western singers, like Ferlin, Merle, Buck, and Dolly. (Let’s give
the Jews some credit for that last call, okay? I don’t know what would
be more awkward, to go through life a Ferlin, or to be a Mr. Lipschitz).
A Jewish babe becomes William or Robert only when his non-religious parents
aspire completely to the child’s assimilation, success, and probably a
lucrative career as a lawyer, plastic surgeon, or president of a university.
Yet even assimilation-minded Jewish parents shy away from James, Jimmy,
and George, though I haven’t yet figured out the underlying ideology.
And there aren’t a lot of Jewish Adolfs these days, though anyone who
knows a little history can figure out that one.
I’m told that everything is possible in America. The role of the Jew in
America constantly is evolving. Many Jews feel more comfortable with assimilation
these days, and a couple even have started to suggest that the Jews are
now the true American patriots. Considering all the changes America experienced
in the twentieth century, Americans may be in for some real surprises
in the twenty-first. Let America continue on its present course and I’ll
be not a bit surprised to learn one day that President George Washington
Elvis Goldberg, a personal embodiment of American multiculturalism and
kosher-style diversity, ceremoniously has lit a Hanukkah menorah in the
window of the White House.
Stojgniev O’Donnell is the pseudonym of an American scholar.
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